Well, here we go. Don’t mind the chaos—it’s how I roll.
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Alright, don’t laugh. These are just words. But seriously, treat them like gospel—words on the internet are serious business, after all. So we finally got the second trailer, right? Yeah, the one that had me moon-gazing for months like some werewolf waiting for a full moon. And, seriously, the anticipation had me ready to jolt Nintendo awake with a defibrillator.
Now we’ve got a whole bonanza of screenshots, character bios—more juicy tidbits to poke at like detectives in a crime drama. Except, you know, it’s never enough. Not when GTA 6 is out there playing hide and seek until May 2026. I’m in my little hidey-hole at Mount Chiliad, piecing together these crumbs like a conspiracy theorist stitching together a big ol’ yarn board.
We’ve had two trailers! You’d think that’s plenty, right? But nope, I’ll bet my breakfast on the fact there’s a third one lurking out there. You’d say two’s plenty, but I’d say, in this game of thrones, we need a trinity. Because, see, three’s a crowd, and Rockstar loves crowds.
So I’ve been looping trailer two—more times than I’ve had hot dinners. What if—and I’m speaking in some GTA-character-influenced voice in my head—the second trailer hints at more? Maybe a surprise sneak peek? I don’t know, I could be nuts.
It starts with a joke. Really? This isn’t jokey business, but Rockstar couldn’t resist poking fun at those leaks. I’m chuckling, because I’m a fan, and that’s my fan-duty, right? There’s a raccoon snacking in the background. Might mean nothing—or everything. They mate around January to March. A hint that trailer three will sneak up on us then?
And there he is! Jason Duval, shirtless. I’m counting chest hairs, cause why not? I mean, he’s like this epic character, and I’m like, stuck here in awe. Tried measuring his, uh, assets for clues, but let’s just say the sexy distractions won that battle.
Jason’s driving, then robbing stores. The till’s got a number upside down. And me? I’m like some conspiracy nut connecting random phone numbers. 305-555-0145 rings, but hey, probably didn’t pay my phone bill ‘cause I’m too busy keeping up GTA+ subs.
And now, math time! 3 plus 5, 8. 5 times 3, 15. Add 1, 4, 5, mix them up—I land on August 2025 for trailer three. Sounds wild, but wild’s never stopped me. Oh, the moon phases! Remember those?!
August 8—a waxing gibbous! Just like when we predicted trailer two. I’m onto something, I know it. But can’t stop now. More secrets could be hiding, like Michael in a mission sneak.
What’s this? A freeway sign reading exit three for 9th Avenue in Southside Peacock Bay. Three equals trailer three? Maybe Rockstar’s just playing with us, all peacock-proud.
And then, a shop sign declaring, “A new billionaire every week.” More hints or pure madness? Could there be a new GTA clue weekly till release? Yeah, imagine that hype overload—crazy, right?
Lucia Caminos pops up, and suddenly I’m humming to The Pointer Sisters, “Hot Together.” It’s from ’86. Weird, given producer connections and all. Spaceballs came out in the summer of ‘87—does that mean anything? Could we expect a GTA 6: Spaceballs Edition or what?
I let the trailer play, distracted, and there’s Lucia’s rear taking center stage. Her walk’s got this inescapable pull—three swings and the camera’s off. Three’s the magic number here, I guess?
Jason goes, “If we’re doing this, we’re doing it right.” Yeah, spot on! More threes crop up with Bae-Luxe’s “brrraapp” or NPCs chanting “Vice City, baby.” Seriously, this number’s everywhere!
Head spinning, I check the site. Calculating mean values of screenshots and bios—bizarrely landing on the number five. But let’s just chuck it aside.
Lastly, there’s Cal Hampton’s bio: three-lettered name, trio references. What’s that say? “What if everything on the internet was true?”
Well, what if, indeed.